


Candlelight

by LilacTree_928



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A little bit of Angels, Alternate Universe, Grim Reapers, M/M, Quite triggering, Spirits, SuperNaturals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-24 16:40:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19727599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacTree_928/pseuds/LilacTree_928
Summary: To Na Jaemin, Huang Renjun is a mere art student he has to aid before death ultimately takes over. Until he became more than that.To Huang Renjun, Na Jaemin is his inevitable demise but like a moth to flame, he couldn't move away.





	Candlelight

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #452: Spirits are the souls of children who died young and unloved. They are assigned other troubled children on earth to help and guide. Jaemin gets assigned a sad art kid (guess who) and his heart does a lil thing.

Trembling and shaking all over, Jaemin forced himself to take a step forward. This is far from the first death he’d ever seen but he figured that this is the first which truly mattered. He gulped the lump in his throat as he felt hot tears starting to cascade down his cheeks. His heart break seeing the gruesome image in front of him.

One night in December, behind an abandoned construction site lay an eighteen-year-old male. His limbs are all twisted in various awkward angles, blood is still flowing out steadily, and the Spirit knows, _he knows_ , that there’s still some warmth left in that battered body.

As life slowly seeps out, the Spirit saw a glimpse of a smile ghost over the child’s face. And as he heard the words, “ _I can finally be with you_.” He let out a heart wrenching scream.

They can never be together. He loved him.

Loving yourself. They said that’s the foundation of loving all. However, how do you know how to love yourself when you have never been treated as one? How do you know what _loving_ is when no one has showed you this aspect of your humanity? How do you determine all those chemical compounds in your brain when nobody has taken a sit, smiled upon your confused little eyes, and explained the wonder which is ‘ _love_ ’?

According to Carl Rogers’ humanistic psychological theory, in order for a person to grow and thrive, they need an environment which can provide them genuineness – the ability for openness and self-disclosure, acceptance – being seen with unconditional positive regard, and empathy – being listened and understood. For a child to be able to give back unconditional positive regard for others, he first must receive it from his primary caretakers and form his unconditional self-regard. For him to love, he first must learn how to be loved. Just like sunlight and water to a blossoming flower.

Dangling his legs and peering over the edge, the small frame of the adolescent is hunched, all defeated and worn out. Just like a dried, wrinkly, and barely grasping little bud. No longer a seedling but doesn’t receive enough nourishment to fully bloom.

Pulling a tattered sketchbook out of his equally tattered bag, he decided to start sketching the busy which is the city. Gentle strokes can be heard in the silence and silent exhaustion is slowly sketched on the once blank sheet of paper. _‘Tabula rasa_ , _’_ but this time, only shades of black, white, and greys are painted. The small frame of the young teenager stayed hunched until a large clank took him out of his reverie.

“Huang, your rent is due in two days. Don’t forget.” It was gone as soon as it came. His lips was supposed to tremble but it did not. ‘ _The usual. At least there’s no cursing._ ’

He closed his sketchbook, he closed his heart, and he closed his eyes. ‘ _Stop longing for something you can never attain. You’re such an idiot Huang Renjun._ ’

The pink haired Spirit, donned in a green polo shirt and white snug pants, laughed outright their General Outlet Manager’s face as the man sighed for the nth time seeing where their stocks went. _‘Again.’_ Approaching the distressed but not really angry elder, he tipped his head towards the ruckus. “Hey Taeil, Disaster Duo at it again?” He asked, not for confirmation but merely courtesy.

Moon Taeil, the General Outlet Manager of the Spirit realm and is in charge of assigning Spirits their child to guide, smiled before letting it slightly fall as he nodded. “Well, who else would do a gigantic structure of dominoes in the middle of summer? Doyoung is gonna go batshit crazy once the two finally topple _that_ over.” The elder man massaged his temple but did nothing to actually reprimand the crazy youngsters.

Jaemin cut his mirth short and opted on looking at the two fondly instead. “Well, they’ve been deprived of simple joys when they were alive, it’s not a wonder that they’ve gone berserk.” He turned to the General Outlet Manager and grinned brightly, “At least you don’t have the misfortune of taking charge of the _legendary trio_. I heard from Yeri that Joonmyeon is earning bald patches right now.” Taeil shuddered at the thought and the both laughed heartily.

The elder man then took a piece of parchment from his messenger bag and handed it over to the Spirit. “That’s your new child.” The pink haired Spirit scanned it before furrowing his eyebrows. “He’s one of the eldest cases.” The General Outlet Manager hummed as he pulled a sad smile. “He’s a strong child. I hope you double your effort with him.”

The two fell into a short silence before Jaemin decided he needed to go but not without leaving with two candies and an invitation for tea from the elder man. ‘ _Let’s see this sad beautiful tragedy here._ ’

_Melancholy does not entail frowns, loneliness does not entail aloneness, and drowning does not always entail water._ That’s what keeps on haunting _his_ mind as he kept his façade of joy in front of his peers. _He’s surrounded by many yet nobody hears his voice. Such a pity_. He slightly scoffed. Nobody noticed.

Noticing the time, he cheerily bid goodbye.

Pulling at his hair, tears continued on streaming down Renjun’s face. _Useless_. He failed again, he stared angrily at the red mark on his paper. _Used_. He screamed until his larynx got sore but no presence was felt. Not even a ghost came to reprimand his ear-shattering screams. He sobbed hard and continued to pound on his head in agony.

_‘Such a useless boy.’ ‘He’s such a disgrace, no wonder they left him.’ ‘Still, aren’t you being harsh? It’s not like-’ ‘Oh do shut up. He caused his family’s death.’_

Voices rang through his ears, phantom taunts pounding against his skull. He does nothing to stop the mantras of ‘ _useless.’_ All of it was well deserved.

He slowly made his way towards the edge. It’s such a beautiful night. The traffic is horrendous and the city is far from peaceful what with all the fog and noises which filled the air. People are screaming, laughing, and jumping around. He paid it all no heed as he put on leg over the railings. Propping himself up, he looked up. ‘ _This is what makes this night particularly beautiful._ ’ He smiled sadly and let his tears cascade down his face continuously, finally fatigued and knackered from biting it all down all those years.

Peering over, he smiled. ‘ _It’s time to let go._ ’ He closed his eyes.

Jaemin panted. He’s running with Kun, the kind death angel who always checks on the disaster duo, and found him getting stressed over his Book of Death. After kindly inquiring, the death angel showed him the image which keeps on flickering. “This child isn’t supposed to die yet but my book keeps on detecting him.” Kun had his eyebrows furrowed, obviously stressed at the not-really-rare-but-not-common-either occurrence. The Spirit was about to chuckle good naturedly, tease the elder about the additional workload he’ll be faced if said person actually dies, but felt his breath hitch as he gazed upon the dead eyes of the child on the book. ‘ _Shit._ ’

“Kun, I know you hate paperwork, so help me save this child.” Panic shot in him. The elder was obviously confused but time is ticking. “Come on, this is _my_ child.” That did the job. The two teleported across dimensions to reach the child before it’s too late. Adrenalin shot through his nonexistent bloodstream as they glide through air, careful not to touch unknowing citizens. “Jaemin, this is bad, the flickering is becoming rarer. _Death is slowly accepting him_.” The death angel looked up worryingly as he continued on monitoring his Book of Death. The Spirit bit his lips and increased his speed.

It took the two beings approximately two minutes to arrive in front of the six-story building but it felt like hours to the Spirit. “Kun, I’ll go up.” He informed the death angel who just nodded and moved to the side, straightly beneath the figure who is intent on letting go.

As the Spirit opened the door, the child had just let go of the railings. ‘ _I’m sorry Taeil, looks like you have to write a dozen of reports._ ’ He snapped his fingers.

His eyebrows are knitted together as harsh brush strokes come in contact with the unassuming canvas. Paint splashes on his face and even on his white uniform but he paid it no heed as he continued his frantic painting. Complex emotions run inside him; they initially held him prisoner, unable to break from, unable to breath, but as he took back some oxygen to support his slowly shutting down body, he rushed to the art room of the school and painted everything.

_“Thank goodness you’re alive.”_

He bit his lips as he finished the rushed piece, letting the easel and brush fall beside him as he stepped back, his breath hitched as the beautiful face he saw from his _dream_ stared back at him. His lips wobble upon the realization that he actually failed escaping and worst, somebody saw him in his most vulnerable state. Tears cascaded silently down his face, some of it trickling on his feet due to the intensity. ‘ _Why am I getting punished just for living? Is my existence too much of a sin?_ ’

He thought he has finally escaped the misery we call life but the world seems to be playing a game which it’s the only one finding it amusing. It even had the audacity to drop a potential perpetrator in front of him, on a seat approximately twelve inches away from his. He felt the continuous crumbling of his world. He felt lost, hopeless, and trapped. Lifting his paint-stained hand on his head, he pulled at his hairs, willing it to alleviate the excruciating pain threatening to overcome him anytime soon.

Anxiety engulfed him. He strained his neck, finding something, anything, to end his ministrations, this pain and his _monsters_. His sight laid upon an unassuming swiss knife sitting prettily atop the adviser’s desk. His breathing calmed as a smile slowly escaped his lips.

He crawled towards it gently as strength left his body ages ago, thoughts of relief clouding his head. Gentle, nimble, and surreptitious like a spider, he approached the piece of metal shining beneath the sunlight. He grabbed it greedily. Positioning it atop his pulse, he grinned madly. Just as he was about to put pressure, he found himself unable to do so.

“Don’t you think it’s such a shame, painting that pristine ware with an equally pristine blood? It’s tainting both purity with something so… tragic.” A gentle voice pulled him out of his reverie. Panic rose in him as his eyes met with a familiar face. The boy with the pink locks either missed the terror in his eyes or outright ignored it smiled at him and kneeled in front of him. “Hey there Renjun, I’m Jaemin. Let’s be friends.”

He choked back a sob. ‘ _Another ray of sunlight._ ’ The boy locked him in his arms gently as tears started to flow from his eyes once more. This time, because of a potential hope. “The sun might set everyday but it never really goes away does it? For it is sure to rise once more tomorrow.” It sounds so simple, so vague, and so broad, but Renjun knows its implications and it brought more tears to him.

He who has lived in darkness throughout all his life, he who only knows the disgusting caresses of the monsters lurking in the dark, he who has learned not to trust small flickers of the flame. Once more, he’s being offered of that light. He knows better than to accept but he found himself leaning closer to the boy he has only met during his morning classes.

‘ _It’s stupid and irrational, but I’m dying anyway._ ’

Jaemin felt himself whiplashed as two towering figures full of lanky limbs jumped on him the moment he entered the warmth of Taeil’s home. Chuckling, he entered the humble abode while patting the two little tricksters on the head. “Hey there Lele, Ji, had fun driving Doyoung insane with your _little escapades_?” He asked the two youngest where the two hung their head abashedly while somebody laughed loudly from the side, Donghyuck he presumed, as Taeil emerged from the kitchen with another batch of cookies and a new pot of tea.

“Doyoung went batshit crazy seeing all of those large dominoes engulfed in a sea of slime. He managed to resurrect some of the Christmas trees which had gone missing from the previous Christmas as well. Taeyong got Johnny and Yuta to physically manhandle him so he wouldn’t go in a rampage after seeing those two giggling at the side. And the rest is, you know, _history._ ” Donghyuck snickered behind his teacup. Taeil kindly rolled his eyes as he invited the newcomer to sit.

The pink haired Spirit guffawed at the information as he suited himself to slump his knackered body on one of the endless couches inside of the General Outlet Manager’s home which was most probably _enhanced_. Donghyuck skipped over to him and sat beside him, leaning on the armrest of the couch, curiosity glinting in his eyes. “What now Hyuck? And please stop bouncing, you’ll get some of your hair chalk on my tea.” Jaemin gently chastised the Spirit but without bite as he took the tea offered by Taeil with a good-natured tip of his head. The rainbow haired Spirit huffed and leaned back on the other side of the couch looking oddly proud. “Huh, jokes on you, this hair of mine is no longer ‘ _chalked_ ’ as you so _unkindly_ put it, Ten managed to perfect his spells and did this for me. Mark is a poor sod though, he’s been changing hair styles and hair colors every four hours because Ten thought that it’s funny seeing the terror in his eyes.” Donghyuck giggled, obviously finding the whole situation back-creakingly funny.

Taeil let out a sound of disapproval as he took a sip of his own tea. Shifting on his seat, his eyebrows are furrowed, obviously displeased with the prank but lacking sufficient will nor energy to actually put a stop on it. “That poor boy, one of the most overworked Spirit here and he’s third with the highest cortisol levels. Taeyong and Doyoung are understandable, but him? You trickster, stop being one of the thorns in his life.” Donghyuck huffed, obviously indifferent to the scolding.

Jaemin snorted. He felt bad for the elder Spirit but the situation is amusing in itself that’s why he has no plans on jumping on the _righteous_ group. As he took a bite of a gingerbread, the rainbow haired Spirit turned back to him, giddiness replaced his rebellious expression earlier. “Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin. Tell me about your child.” The pink haired Spirit raised an eyebrow at the request. “And why should I?” He continued on munching on his gingerbread, totally undeterred despite the look of appall the other is giving him.

Donghyuck decided to play his usual charade. “Sweetie, right now, you are the most famous Spirit in the Spirit Realm. Even other factions are talking about your latest assignment. It’s not everyday that we get such an _overaged_ child.” He said as-a-matter-of-factly. Jaemin threw a sharp gaze at his friend, insulted for his child. “Stop acting like Renjun’s a seventy or something man; eighteen is still young. Also, haven’t you died due to a vehicular accident at eighteen? Technically, you’re the same age.” “Yeah, _sixty years ago_. So Renjun’s his name… sounds _pretty_.” This now earned a gingerbread aimed at the nosy Spirit’s head. “Children, don’t play with your food.” Taeil remarked gently. Nobody listened.

“Stop being so sensitive. You’re acting so weird Nana, you seem _possessive_.” Jaemin felt his cheeks and ears heat up at the simple and passive statement. “Nah, Nana is just protective of the child. Based on what Taeil told us, he’s quite a severe case.” Donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows at the influx of new information. Taeil sighed from his couch, obviously stressed at what Jaemin presume is the overload of paperwork he had just dumped on the elder’s lap and his employees. “Sorry about the paperwork Taeil. I can’t really just stand there when it’s not yet his time.” The elder waved his hand dismissingly. “The paperwork’s alright. I can manage them, although Doyoung has been meeting up with Sicheng in the Death Realm frequently these days.” The youngsters shivered at the frightening indications of such meet-ups. Taeil chuckled. “Don’t worry children, Sicheng, albeit absolutely done with you people’s doting and unnecessary affection, won’t share his researches on Dark Magic.” It didn’t ease the tension though. Turning serious, the General Outlet Manager stared straight into the pink haired Spirit’s eyes. “It’s normal for _our_ children to flicker back and forth in Death Angels’ Books of Death even if it’s not yet their time but they are not supposed to be saved by _supernaturals_. If it’s not yet their time, there’s a reason for it, they will not die on that time despite their attempts.”

Donghyuck, Chen Le, and Jisung bobbed their head up and down then turned towards the perpetrator, curious of how he would act. “But even Kun knows it’s not his time, what am I supposed to do, let him fall from a ten-story building? We were given _abilities_ for a reason Taeil, why should I put mine to waste?” The General Outlet Manager hummed thoughtfully as he took another sip of his tea which probably kept on refilling. Donghyuck piped in carefully, sensing the rising tension between the two. “Well, we are given abilities, but Nana, our abilities extend only to the point where we mingle and urge humans in the direction away from melancholy. We pull strings and flick golden dust so that they could connect and understand each other. We can’t tamper with something as powerful like the Book of Death. Sure, death angels are kind and friendly, but Death and Life aren’t. They hold nothing towards us creatures, not sympathy, not resentment. Plainly nothing.”

Angered at the scolding, Jaemin stood up, face red with frustration. With anger in his voice, he chastised everyone in the room. “Then what are you implying? That I should have just let _my_ child die prematurely? You heard the report Taeil, Doyoung _would have_ told you, Kun said, frustratedly, how Renjun’s not yet supposed to die. His flickering was disappearing, _he’s dying_. Haven’t we done him enough injustice? We left him alone, for 18 years, to fend for himself. You said so yourself, _he’s a rare case_. We aid _children_ , not teenagers. We avoid traumas, but now you just handed me one of the most scarred _teen_ in this century alone.” He heaved, catching his breath as he looked across the room, feeling slightly guilty at his outburst which petrified the youngest who probably cannot understand half of what he’s sputtering due to them still being trainees. “You only read reports, but you haven’t seen him. You haven’t seen how dead his eyes looked when I pulled him from the edge, you haven’t seen how dim his eyes sparked when I engulfed him in my arms, you haven’t seen the frustration and terror in his eyes when he recognized me from when I saved him, you haven’t seen how petrified he is of still being alive. Do you know how painful that is? Knowing that you’re working in a helping realm and seeing numerous children keep their happiness despite their rough times yet still, you couldn’t do anything for the teen you’re currently assigned with.” At that point, tears started flowing down Jaemin’s face, and for the first time after a century of working as a Spirit, sorrow etched on his beautiful face. “ _You haven’t seen the repercussion of Life’s failure._ ”

The two youngest were sobbing and hugging each other by the end of his outburst. Donghyuck, despite being a troublemaker, took it upon himself to calm the two down. Taeil, still not breaking eye contact, placed down his teacup and gently walked towards the heaving younger Spirit. Close enough, he engulfed Jaemin in a tight hug. “You seem so stressed Nana.” Was the only reply he gave the younger. Bursting into even more tears, the pink hared Spirit hugged the General Outlet Manager tightly, sobbing as he whined his stressors. “He keeps on avoiding me. He keeps on looking terrified whenever my shadow so much as graze the doorway. _He’s rejecting me_ , what should I do?” A pained sob escaped the younger’s lips and the elder merely patted his hair. Turning to the three other Spirit, he smiled gently at them. “I’ll just bring Nana to my study, alright? Donghyuck, please make sure those two won’t break my favorite vase.” The three nodded as they huddled close to each other.

Once inside the confines of Taeil’s study, he let the Spirit sit down on one of his couches there. After the younger calmed down sufficiently enough, the General Outlet Manager offered the younger a smile before ruffling his hair. “What do you plan on doing now?” He asked the younger male who kept his eyes downcast.

Jaemin doesn’t really know and Taeil must have sensed his distress over his uncertainty and hesitance. The General Outlet Manager merely sat in front of the Spirit before offering him a smile. “Just follow your heart. As cheesy as it sounds, that compass inside you might long be dead but it’ll not fail on leading you to the right path.”

Jaemin sincerely hopes so.

He looked up and tried to admire the beautiful night sky. The stars can’t really be seen due to the intensity of air pollution the city has but he paid it no mind, for him, the sky still holds a certain beauty which will never be hindered nor hidden by the atrocities man commits. ‘ _The moon is still peeking from the clouds._ ’ He thought and felt a little joy inside him.

Many tries to commit suicide but many of them doesn’t want to die as well; they just wanted to end their sufferings and sometimes, death is sweeter just like how poison is sweeter than water. In times like this, Renjun decided that it is not the world he wanted to escape, it’s the people and his circumstances. Looking up at the moon which is shining that beautiful red orange, he smiled sadly. ‘ _I wish my life could be as beautiful like the moon._ ’

He felt rustling and a second presence joined him, dangling his feet as well on the edge of the rooftop and holding the railing. “The process behind the beauty that it possesses isn’t as fancy at it seems. In order for a Lunar Eclipse to achieve such redness, more orange and yellow rays have to be trapped in the Earth’s atmosphere. You know what keeps those? Dust, lots and lots of dust. The irony is that the more beautiful it is, the more polluted Earth has to be.”

Renjun refused to stray his eyes from the sky. “And what’s your point then?” He relented, too tired and numb to even argue with the other boy knowing both their tenacious tendencies. “We shouldn’t strive for beauty. Let us strive for happiness instead.” He finally detached his sight from the beautiful blood moon and focused it on the boy beside him, equally beautiful, if not more, whose side profile is illuminated by the horrible lighting of the building’s rooftop door.

“Jaemin, I can never be happy.” He stated simply despite the slight crack in his façade which let out a little of his exhaustion. The pink-haired boy still grinned despite the inappropriateness. ‘ _He keeps on bringing light on where it shouldn’t be._ ’ Turning to look at the bustling city below instead, the pink-haired dimmed his smile. “You are, you will be. I’ll make sure of it.”

It was a gentle and subtle pledge, just like the first time, just like their first contact. It was a promise of hope and like an idiot, there he goes again, running towards it. Like a moth flying towards the fire, he ignores the uncertainty lurking within. So like a fool, he smiled as well. ‘ _Maybe my black painting can finally gain some stars to illuminate it just a little bit._ ’

“Can you tell me about that place again? About your cute juniors Chen Le and Jisung?” Renjun timidly asks, wide eyes trained on the side profile of Jaemin. The Spirit hummed and smiled widely. “I can’t believe you’ve chosen the two of them over me when all I have shown you are visions of them!” The art child chuckled and took his sketchpad which was lying beside him the whole time. Going to a certain page, he proudly showcased his drawings of the people Jaemin has shown him in his mind. “Well, you can’t deny they are cute. Now, can you tell me more about where you came from?”

Obviously impressed with the beautiful representations of his friends, he looked up at the night sky. “Well, Doyoung has been having constant aneurysms because Lele and Sungie have been raiding the storages to create that giant slime of theirs.” The pink-haired Spirit chuckled upon the memory of their Logistics Officer red in anger while the two youngest ran away from him with large bags of Christmas trees floating on their tails.

Renjun laughed as well, looking gingerly at the portrait he drew of the man who was just mentioned. “He’s the Resources Officer, isn’t he?” He inquired softly, earning an enthusiastic bob of the head from the other boy. “Yeah, has been for many centuries. Now, Taeil’s the eldest, he has been already there for more than a millennium and did you know that he even saw the _Legendary Fifteen_ in the flesh before the current generation was conjured.” “ _Legendary Fifteen_?” The artistic child looked confused but the Spirit is more than willing to fill him in. “Oh, it’s our seniors, I think they were called ‘ _Super Junior’_ or something. They were our direct seniors and used to be the disaster group of our realm. Think of it like this, it’s Chen Le and Jisung times fifteen. Their leader, Leeteuk, looked constantly deprived of life according to Taeil when he was still training under them. But one thing’s for sure, they did a great job during their reign. I believe the world was in constant wars, thus, constant orphans, but they greatly lessened the number of children dying lonely. It was only them fifteen back then, with them constantly doing overtimes, thus, less recruits to help them. But they did a great job. Spirits have considerably lessened since then though, being Chen Le and Jisung the newest addition because of… _circumstances_.”

The child hummed thoughtfully before looking back up at the night sky. “Jaemin, how does one even become a Spirit?” The Spirit stiffened, he knew that it was a question he was bound to answer sooner or later but reminiscing the reason why he was currently the being that he is is not something he’s fond of remembering despite it being more than six decades since he started with his official assignments.

“Is it forbidden for you to say? I’m sorry if I am being too prodding.” Renjun looked down and bit his lips, obviously starting to chastise himself for being too pushy when the other male is already being too kind by giving him the companionship he had always longed. The fact that the pink-haired Spirit willingly filled the loneliness in his days and nights with his presence and stories is more than a ray of life in his utterly dark existence otherwise. And it disgusts him to no end that he’d consciously cause the other boy some sort of discomfort.

Obviously sensing the self-loathing the child is inflicting towards himself, Jaemin reached over and placed his hand on top of Renjun’s smaller hand. Offering a comforting smile, he shook his head as he once again returned his attention towards the moon and stars. “The Spirits are the souls of children who died unloved.” He answered simply, hoping that it could satiate the innate curiosity his child possesses. Renjun remained mum as he continued on staring at Jaemin’s side profile. “And how long do you stay with each child?”

There it is, the inevitable, bared wide in the open. The anxiety and the niggling fear and knowledge of ultimate abandonment is finally revealed. The child knows that despite the contentment and joy the Spirit has ignited in his otherwise sorrowful life, all good things in life will always come to an end and that awareness is petrifying him. The least that he can do is now when the inevitable is; at least to prepare himself for it.

Jaemin looked down as he slowly retracted back his hand, stopped midway, and then gave in to this urge of his to finally cup the boy’s delicate face into his quite brusque hand. There’s pink dusting on Renjun’s face, a little concealed by the dead of the night, but nonetheless quite prominent despite the horrible lighting offered by that lone one situated on top of the door leading to the rooftop. “Just long enough to make sure that the children will be able to stand on their own without succumbing into the despair this world has inflicted and will continue to inflict upon them.”

It was vague, that goes without saying, but somehow, despite the inability to fully grasp the answer he was given, Renjun knew and understand that this happiness offered by the Spirit won’t last long. The realization and conclusion he had gained has punctured his heart; another thorn joining the many others which littered his already frail, little heart. Faking a smile, he looked straight at the Spirit whose eyes were drowned in emotions he couldn’t quite comprehend. “I’m making things count then.”

Smiling gently at the scene in front of him, Renjun returned his gaze and resumed on sketching the image which he had been constantly drawing and painting these days in fear of forgetting once the bliss had already even over. Harsh and gentle pencil strokes marred the paper into creating a masterpiece once it lost its pristine quality. ‘ _Can I be like that?_ ’

The question hung in the air as a pair of lanky limbs invade Renjun’s senses. Shrieking, he hastily hid his sketchbook in his bag as he found two large bodies pinning him on the ground. “Lee Jeno! Na Jaemin! Get off of me! You two are absurdly heavy!” He shrieked but the larger males merely laughed out loud instead of complying to his cries of agony.

Despite his overt annoyance, as he looked up at the smiling faces laughing at him, his heart swelled in his chest. Especially while looking at the ethereal face which Na Jaemin possessed; he knows that all of these unnecessary emotions will only lead to devastation once the mirage is over but he can’t help his biological functions from reacting when the Spirit has so much as take in a portion of oxygen which Renjun is sure he doesn’t even need.

He’s aware of all the things the Spirit has done for him which, as far as his limited knowledge encompasses, is beyond his work as a Spirit. Jeno is part of Jaemin’s job – which Renjun is eternally grateful for – but bringing homecooked meals every single day – for all three meals, bringing him beautiful art supplies every time he so much as think that he’s running out, and even offering him human contact is surely not part of his job description; making his heart pump twice the amount of blood than normal is surely not part of that job description of his.

It scared Renjun. It scared him that the Spirit will vanish when the time is ripe, that he will no longer see that dubious smile which constantly adorned the pink-haired Spirit, that he will no longer be able to taste the homely food the boy bring them everyday, that he will no longer witness his newfound friend and his Spirit bickering over which ice cream flavor is the best, and that his encounter with Na Jaemin will be erased from his memories as per protocol. He’s scared that the beauty which Na Jaemin brought in his life, with that mischievous smile and bright eyes of his, will vanish from his memory.

He knows that he shouldn’t have eavesdropped on the conversation Jaemin had with one of his superiors – which he presumed was the Resources Officer, Doyoung – where he had been notified that his assignment is nearly at its end. And Renjun knows, from their countless deep night talks and exchange in that deserted rooftop with the moon and the stars as their witnesses, that this will entail an encompassing emptiness he would have to endure and fail to understand until his deathbed. The memories will cease to exist but the heart continues to remember and the brain will continue to fight for what it believes is real until the pain becomes unbearable that he’ll ultimately beckon the Angel of Death to come to take his soul.

And as tears started trekking down his porcelain-like face with Jeno and Jaemin hastily removing their bodies from him and exchanging worried glances while trying to soothe him down, an answer was conjured to eternally soothe his slowly withering heart. “Don’t worry guys, I’m fine. _I’ll be fine._ ”

‘ _It’s so strange._ ’ Jaemin gingerly entered the Spirit Resources Center with an eyebrow raised. Nothing’s out of the normal to be actually honest, the resource officers are bustling and running around the center with stacks of paper trailing behind them, messengers are practically floating in the air with how smoothly and swiftly they go in and out of the center, large stacks of files most probably kept in that charmed messenger bags of theirs. No, to an impassive onlooker, everything seems normal, just like the plain, old systematic routine which the SRC has constantly been ever since Doyoung stepped in as the Head Resources Officer.

But that’s the point, Doyoung is, _strangely,_ missing. Usually, he’d be on and about around the center, spouting venomous orders and piercing glares at anything and everything which dared to cross his eyes. That’s why their generation has been so efficient, _too efficient_ , that many branches tried and failed to either acquire the key for such success or even just the secret Doyoung has used to create such a reputation. So to see Doyoung not out of his office – and probably out to get the two youngest’s neck for ruining the plaza again with that pizza tower they created because the two took literally the ‘pizza’ aspect of the title ‘The Leaning Tower of Pisa’ because it sounded awfully similar – is not only a strange occurrence but an ominous implication as well.

The faux peaceful and calm aura that Doyoung’s office emits is not sitting well with him. Jaemin knows better; the man isn’t all peaches and sunsets. With a deep breath, he decided to break the façade and finally knocked on the large wooden door. It was opened without a fuss nor a scathing remark about his mismatched socks. ‘ _Absolutely odd._ ’

It was anything but the ordinary. Doyoung is sporting an expression which is a hybrid of both loud satisfaction and quiet disappointment. An amusing paradox if not for the discomfort he is feeling with an undetectable and unplaceable source deep within him. Emotions are swirling inside him and he is sure that it is not the lack of the usual mediocrity emitted by his superior.

Walking closer upon getting beckoned, he saw the Head Resources Officer put down the book he was reading. Upon closer inspection, the identity of said book sent cold shivers down the Spirit’s spine. Seeing his expression morph into something akin to desperation and horror, Doyoung nodded gravely. “It’s one of your children.” There was pity but the two of them knew that death was inevitable.

Shutting his eyes and pursing his lips, Jaemin took a deep breath before deciding to just drop the bomb and be done with it. “Which one?” Nonexistent adrenaline rushed through his veins as his equally nonexistent blood pumped through his dry veins. Doyoung did not answer and just gave him a meaningful look. ‘ _He knows._ ’ “Which one Doyoung? _Tell me._ ” Anger and desperation were dripping in his voice, because maybe, just maybe, it isn’t the one who holds his already dead heart.

The Head Resources Officer pushed his glasses higher up on his nose bridge. Giving the Spirit an understanding albeit a pointed look, he returned his gaze on a file from the left side of his massive table. “Kun dropped by earlier. It seems that our realm won’t be getting a new recruit. You know too well what that implies.” He answered simply, refusing to return his gaze back at the crumbling Spirit in front of him. “You have half an hour before his last breath. He’s in between the two blocks overlooking the moon. _Don’t waste your chance._ ”

With tears starting to pool in his eyes, Jaemin bolted then disappeared. Finally having the room back to himself with less of a burden to carry, Doyoung took off his glasses and stared at the empty space which the younger previously occupied. He sighed and leaned back on his chair. ‘ _Just another death and another failure in the system._ ’ He forced himself to think despite knowing that it wasn’t the case.

He decided to pull the resignation letter from his drawer. ‘ _I can’t take this anymore._ ’

Jeno furrowed his eyebrows as he opened the slowly decomposing door through Renjun’s apartment. He received a strange envelope earlier which contained a small piece of paper and a lone key. In the note, his newfound friend placed a note containing few words which are directing him to go to the address of the boy, specifically the bedroom.

So here he was, not half an hour later, gingerly observing the interior of his friend’s house. ‘ _It looks disturbingly deserted._ ’ For something that is supposedly inhabited, the dust that covers the place is thick and untouched. He scrunched his nose and closed the door behind him, sending some dust into the air; he sneezed.

He scanned the whole interior and found the flat eerily bare. There is virtually no furniture in the house apart from that ratty couch in the middle, a table and a chair in the dining area, and an old refrigerator tucked in the kitchen. Jeno is concerned. He knows from first glance, that albeit the calm and composed demeanor Renjun always wore, there is this tinge of extreme sorrow always lurking behind his eyes. It would occasionally wither when Jaemin is around but he knows that it is constantly there and that nothing would truly alleviate it.

“The two are actually rays of sunshine in my life, I wish I could do the same for them.” He mumbled under his breath as he continued on his path towards his friend’s bedroom as per his directions written in the note. He feels that he is intruding but the simple ‘ _Please_ ’ written daintily on the note urged him to go against his better judgement and followed through.

He did not expect what he saw. The room was brightly lit and the fading green of the walls were covered with countless sketches and paintings, and in the center of it were two big canvases containing beautiful portraits, one of Jaemin and one of his. His heart was clenching painfully in his chest when he found two letters sitting peacefully on top of Renjun’s bed. He opened the one with his name and read it.

He felt his heart drop as he read the truth.

What used to be several jumps turned into a single one which led him in front of the convenience store which is a block away from the apartment complex the art student is living. He checks the watch on his wrist and found that the jump took ten out of the thirty minutes that he had. He immediately bolted, using every once of energy and force the Resource Center is allowing Spirits to use. It still wasn’t enough.

The Spirit halted in his steps as he heard ragged breaths pierce through the silent night. The moon is nowhere to be seen and the fogs are covering the stars as well. The skies are slowly getting filled with clouds. Jaemin knows, as he feels it as well, that the skies are feeling the sorrow of losing one of its avid admirers. Or so he wishes to believe. He tricked death once but never twice.

Trembling and shaking all over, Jaemin forced himself to take a step forward. This is far from the first death he’d ever seen but he figured that this is the first which truly mattered. He gulped the lump in his throat as he felt hot tears starting to cascade down his cheeks. His heart break seeing the gruesome image in front of him.

One night in December, behind an abandoned construction site lay Huang Renjun. His limbs are all twisted in various awkward angles, blood is still flowing out steadily, and the Spirit knows, _he knows_ , that there’s still some warmth left in that battered body.

He knelt slowly beside the mangled mess as sobs started escaping from his chest, the first time in seven decades since he died. This caught the attention of the child, who, despite death looming over him, waiting to take him anytime now, still looks breathtaking. In all of his flaws, despair, sorrow, blood, and hopelessness, Jaemin saw a glimmer of light finally sparking inside the boy’s eyes. The first he had seen since he met him.

And as life slowly seeps out, the Spirit saw a glimpse of a smile ghost over the child’s face. And as he heard the words, “ _I can finally be with you_.” He let out a heart wrenching scream.

He loved him. He loved him and as he told him that, the smile painted on Renjun’s face only widened despite the tears that escaped his tear ducts as the both of them know what it means. They can never be together.

_Dear Jaemin,_

_I love you._

_Too straightforward, isn’t it? But I want to at least tell you that. These past few weeks, I have been in constant agony. Well, I have always been in agony, but this time, it’s an agony I’ve willingly embraced. You see, I’ve heard you. Well, I’ve heard you talking with Doyoung about how our time is ‘numbered’ and to be honest, that was the most frightened I have been in my whole life. I’m afraid, petrified even, that after having a taste of relief and love, it will only be taken away from me, just like every good thing that happened in my life._

_I don’t want that Jaem, as sappy and needy as it sounds, you’re practically the only thing that kept me alive after that botched attempt of mine on that same rooftop that we always frequent. I don’t want that, I would hate to live a life without you. So I made up my mind, I want to be a Spirit like you, so that I can join you in that eternity you were granted._

_Please wait for me. I love you._

_Renjun._

_Jeno,_

_It hasn’t been long since we have met but I adore you and I am glad that you are my friend._

_You see, I never had one. I have this clique I always sit down with in school but I can’t really consider them my friends. Before you, I always pretend that I am fine when I am not and before you move into this town, I have always been surrounded by facades and honestly, it’s wearing me down._

_I may not look like it, but I am glad that Jaemin brought us together. I am glad that despite the short time we three spent, you made space for yourself inside my heart. I never thought that that was possible, but you’re such a lovable human being Lee Jeno, and I’m glad that despite my short life, I was given the chance to encounter and befriend a wonderful person like you are. I hope I managed to capture your essence in the portraits I’ve done. Please accept them as a token of our friendship. This might be the first and last time I’ll be able to do so._

_I failed to tell you this before, but I really appreciated it when you told me your story. Nobody has ever trusted me that deeply before, and I’m honestly overwhelmed that you did. So now, it’s my turn to return the favor; I want to tell you why._

_I am not blind Jeno, I can see the worried glances you’d throw at me whenever my sweater either flashed my wrists or my torso. I want to tell you why I had those cuts, why my apartment is how it is, and I want to tell you why I am me. Jaemin knows this, so if you need some clarification, you can always go to him. I hope._

_I was ten then. My mother had died in a vehicular accident as she threw her body on top of mine in order to save me. We were returning home from my grandparents when the bus we were riding on lost control and rolled over. I can still see her face haunting me whenever I so much as closed my eyes. She’s the reason that I kept on pursuing my studies even when all I wanted was to jump off a cliff, because those were part of her last words, “Be wise, my child.”_

_Then my father, in his despair, drove into alcoholism. Then he started into beating me. It was fine then. I can take the punches, the cuts, the bruises, the whips, I can take it all. I can take the horrifying sound from his room when he brings his whores home, I can take it all. What I couldn’t take was when he started violating me as well. I would beg him to punch me or kick me instead, just not pin me down and ~~thrust~~ , no, put a variety of filth inside me. Even his filth. I’m so sorry for the tear tracks, it’s just so painful to finally face my past after a long time of running away from it._

_After a long time of pleading to the universe, he was finally taken away. I was fifteen. He died of substance overdose after he mixed alcohol with some unknown drug. I was ecstatic, relieved, and I was hated for it. All of my relatives cursed me for the misfortune that happened with my mother and father. In a way, they were right. If I hadn’t begged my mother to visit my grandparents back then, she wouldn’t have died in that horrific accident; if I hadn’t been a carbon copy of my mother, then my father wouldn’t have been the rapist that he had been branded as. It was all my fault._

_Which was why I landed on the same nightmare over again. I was young then, barely sixteen, and nowhere to live in after my aunts stole the title to our house. Without any money, I wandered aimlessly until I was found by my landlord. The apartment I occupy? That was paid for by my body. Please don’t be disgusted, please don’t, not you too Jeno, not you too my friend. I had no choice._

_So I tried to kill myself. Countless times. Always a failure. However, this time, I won’t fail. I’m sure you have quite caught on, you’re smart like that. I can’t fail Jeno, you have to understand. This world? It’s already vomiting me out of disgust and being with Jaemin is the only thing I want._

_By the time you are done reading this, I would be long cold, lying in a mangled mess behind that construction site beside this apartment complex. You can come find me and you can opt not to. Whatever you choose, to forget me or condemn me, I wouldn’t complain, because you, Lee Jeno, are my best friend._

_Because you are the purest soul I have ever seen (even Jaemin can attest to that and that’s saying something). You, a child whom the world abandoned, refused to abandon the world in return. You, who received nothing but contempt, kept on giving love as if it’s free. You, who only saw scowls and anger, kept on smiling as if the world is such a beautiful face._

_Apart from Jaemin, you are the best thing that happened to me and I am glad that I shared those sandwiches, sunsets, and ice creams with you and Jaemin. I will miss your laugh, your eye smile, and those warm hugs of yours._

_I will make sure you’ll be happy my friend._

_Renjun._

* * *

“Hello there! I’m Jeno’s guardian angel!”

Jaemin felt hot tears pooling in his eyes. He can’t move his limbs despite the longing inside him becoming torturously unbearable with each passing second. It has been a long decade since he held that body which slowly lost its warmth and he has never been alright. But now, he’s seeing that beautiful boy he has fallen in love with, now sporting an angelic blonde which matches his equally angelic disposition.

The angel pouted, obviously unexpecting of his response. “Really Na Jaemin? You’re just going to stand there?” The now brunette Spirit found back his voice. Taking large steps, he strode over the angel, capturing the male in his arms. “That’s more like it.” The angel remarked, mirth obvious in his voice.

‘ _Thank you._ ’ Jaemin looked up at the light, and he swore he saw it smiling down.

Gently floating above the ground, the Spirit and the Angel smile as Jeno laughed and cuddle with his baby brother. The child is no longer lonely after Jaemin pulled some strings for him to get adopted by a kind family, two months after Renjun died. Doyoung is still eyeing them begrudgingly even after two years due to the chaos it ensued in the Spirit Realm but they pay him no heed and merely focused at the gentle smile Taeil would offer them whenever the topic arises. In his defense, it was the angel’s parting promise and knowing that it’ll be impossible for Renjun to make that come true, being Jeno’s Spirit meant that he can.

Eating one of Kun’s famed treats, Jaemin placed his head on Renjun’s shoulder from the back, back hugging the angel who just turned and offered him a smile. “He’s your last assignment, isn’t he?” The blonde angel remarked ruefully but fondness and contentment can be detected. The Spirit hummed, blowing some of the hair on the angel’s head. “Yeah. It’s Big Boss’ orders. Doyoung’s stressed at the Spirit Resources because it’s one less body to aid. Now he has to find replacement. It’ll take long though, with all the training and lectures.”

Smiling fondly at the family his _friend_ had earned, Renjun wiped some of the tears which escaped his tear ducts. ‘ _At least one of us was saved_.’ He laughed gently when the brothers was tackled to the ground by their father. “Well, everyone’s paranoid that we’ll pull such a massive stunt on every child you’re tasked to look after. He’s acting like he’s supportive of the oppositional arguments about the situation when he happily watched everything unfold with a pack of clouds. That old man is really something.” The angel shook his head in amusement.

Turning his gaze from Jeno back to his lover, Jaemin turned serious. “I’m still lost though, how did you manage to both become an angel and convince Him to meet me again?” It had been a question which continued haunting him from the moment he took back the beautiful boy in his arms. The man in question shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, as if everything was fair and easy when they both know that’s not how the realms work. His expression turned soft though as he looked up the sky, seeing faintly the castle he had considered his home for years. “He’s merciful. I might have committed a grave sin but he understood my heart’s pure desire.” Turning to his lover, he beamed brightly. “Did you know that he places us on realms which would both suit our deepest longings as well as benefit mankind down there? I had to work in the Death realm for five years before getting transferred up there. Kun is still stressed for all of the paperwork I caused him.” The two of them laughed but the angel still hasn’t answered his last question. Seeing Jaemin’s questioning gaze, Renjun chuckled gently before pecking his lips. Pulling back, he tilted his head. “I asked.” This led to more confusion. Standing up, the angel extended his arm for the Spirit to take. “I kept on asking to be with you all these years. While I mop the black-stained floors of the Death Realm, while I fly tenaciously as I deliver messages up there, I keep on asking Him in my heart.”

“Sometimes, all you have to do is ask. It might not happen as you would have wanted it nor when you would have wanted it but He will eventually grant it when the time is right.”

The two smiled lovingly before giving Jeno one last look.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try with some sort of the Fantasy genre, so forgive my obvious lacking. It has a very interesting premise so I might come back to this later after Enrara to probably further broaden the world building. Anyhow, I hope I delivered and the prompter can enjoy this. I wish I did justice to your prompt.


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